Why aren't you a Trump supporter?

I don’t believe Nazis, Klan klowns and white supremacists chanting “Jews will not replace us” comprise “very fine people”

I don’t respect a sleazeball who lies about his height just so he can lie about his weight

I have complete contempt for intentional stupidity

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I don’t hold serial bankrupters in high regard

A real man doesn’t grab women by the p***y

I understand that you can’t just fucking nuke a hurricane

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I don’t pretend not to know who David Dooky is just because he can deliver votes

I have an acute aversion to scumbags

I don’t believe the way to respond to a hurricane is to call a press conference to describe it as “wet from the standpoint of water”, to distribute Play Doh, or to stand at a podium throwing rolls of paper towels as if they were bottles of ketchup

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I don’t run and hide from a debate like a fucking WIMP just becuase some moderator asked pointed questions

I don’t buy made-up stories of “thousands and thousands of people dancing on rooftops”

EVEN FUCKING MIKE PENCE understands that

What was your most memorable combat mission during the Vietnam War?

I understand historical events enough to know there were no airports in the eighteenth century, that Canada didn’t burn the White House half a century before it existed and that World War Two already happened

I respect other cultures and don’t respect those who don’t

I have a reading level above third grade

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I know the difference between “give me your tired, your poor” and “they’re poisoning our blood”

I’ve never tried to pretend the word would means wouldn’t

I respect women and don’t respect those who don’t

Is The Last of Us Part 2 really as woke as people say it is?

I don’t call Tim Cook “Tim Apple” and if I do I don’t deny what’s right there on the videotape because I’m too much of a fucking WIMP to handle Reality

I understand how hurricane paths work

I don’t believe that Saudi Arabia and Russia “will vedoop bedeep uhhhh”

Why are Americans obese? Is it the food or is it the psychology?

I didn’t get out of military service with fucking “bone spurs” that I paid a doctor to write

It’s uncool to lurk around teenage girls’ dressing rooms

I understand that you can’t inject bleach or light

Why do a lot of women have a crush on my boyfriend when they know he is in a relationship with me? I am starting to feel insecure too. What should I do?

I can read

authoritarians can get down on the floor and bite my ass, yesterday

I know what Nikki Haley’s authority with the National Guard is

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If someone works for me, I actually pay them

I know there’s no such thing as invisible planes

I don’t believe in asking the people of Iowa “how stupid are the people of Iowa”

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It’s uncool to set up soft porn pics with your own preteen daughter

Fuck that piece of orange shit, fuck his idiocracy, fuck his sexism, fuck his racism, fuck his religionism, fuck his divisionism, fuck his lying, fuck his orange face paint, fuck his worship of Cult of Ignorance, fuck his Cult, fuck his jingoistic horseshit, fuck his manuipulations, fuck his toddler-age WIMPism, fuck his fucked-up values of ME ME ME and did I mention ME, and fuck him personally with a giant razor sharp dildo that’s been preheated to 204.7° F and built to the dimensions of the Washington Monument. Slowly.

I took the same Oath and took it seriously

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I can count

I understand that when you lose an election you step the fuck aside and take it like a man rather than invade the Capitol while your loss is being made official just because you’re a fucking snowflake WIMP

I know that he didn’t run against “Obamna”

Why did Cartman love Heidi purely with heart, her being the first one he ever did, but then one day Butters tells him that all women are manipulative and then he began to believe that she was a bad person and pretended to be a victim?

I know who the president of Turkey really is

I know that if I or anyone I know commits a crime we’ll go to the clink

I don’t buy bullshit

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I understand geography enough to know that Belgium is not a “beautiful city”, that Paris is not in fucking Germany, that India does share a border with China, that that border is peppered with Bhutan and Nepal, not “Button” and “Nipple”, that time zones exist, that “shithole countries” do not, that “England” and “the UK” are not the same thing, that you cannot build a wall in Colorado to keep out New Mexico, and that the Bronx is not and has never been “a very wonderful place in fucking Germany”

I know the difference between Sioux City and Sioux Falls and even Sioux Center

I don’t cotton to rapists

I have complete contempt for traitorism

I don’t hide in my hotel room while everybody else keeps the appointed time and place because my hair might get wet

Let us count the ways. Captain Obvious says:

I have complete contempt for fraudsters, and even less for repeat ones

I actually pay taxes

Those are a few reasons off the top of my head. How ’bout you?

I have no sicko desire to control women or have a bizarro hangup with “blood”

I don’t respect shameless hucksters who try to sell a vitamin where you have to mail in your pee

When I go Greenland shopping and Denmark says no I don’t melt down like a fucking WIMP

I know that sounds DO NOT cause cancer.

I see through liars

I don’t believe there is a fucking “president of the Virgin Islands”

I know the difference between “George Bush” and “Jeb Bush”

I don’t watch or listen to advertising

When a reporter declines to join me in the rooftops fantasy I don’t go on stage and gyrate to mock his congenital disability

I have complete contempt for fakery